A reminder of who I was, before kids

9 years ago
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ellen as cherubino

Today was a very thought-provoking day. I had a church gig this morning, so got up and out the door fairly early. I listened to a favorite opera CD in the car. Listening to my beloved Monteverdi that early set me up for a contemplative day, I believe. We had our rehearsal and then sang the mass. Afterwards, my friend Dawn and I had brunch at a cozy diner a few blocks from the church. Everything about this morning reminded me of my time in Chicago, living in Lincoln Park, going to DePaul, taking the El or walking everywhere, rehearsing constantly, listening to opera every second I wasn't practicing, and generally having the time of my life. It was stressful too, of course. I didn't like the constant homework (counterpoint assignments ...blah! music history tests...oy!) but did enjoy the consistent work (church jobs, recitals, opera roles, lessons, etc.) that kept me 100% focused on my "career path."

I love my life, but it often lacks the small spark of who I once was, before kids. Having children is, without question, the true purpose of my life. But, every now and then, it's a kick to revisit that lifestyle. I hope to return to it some day, but until then, I'll thoroughly enjoy these brief sojourns into who I am, at my core. It's funny, isn't it? that raising a family is so all-encompassing, yet it isn't (at least for me) ALL of who I am. There is this other life, this other person, this singer-performer-teacher, that lurks beneath the surface of homemade bread and cloth diapers. The time will come when that facet of my life can pop out again, but happily, and most importantly, joined and supported by the family Paul and I have created.

But it was really fun today, living that life, if only for a few hours.

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