School is starting for my husband today. He is in his third year of graduate school.
is something about the start of school. It is a fresh start. New
Pencils. New Haircuts. New Notebooks. New Books. A New Year.
December 31 is just a day, but this time of year gives us so much. We
can start fresh, try again, make things better. This time we'll keep
the house clean, have no procrastination, and have more time together
as a family.
My husband, John, and I look at the school year like a
marathon. You start, go, go, go, go. Run faster and faster and FASTER
until STOP! You have a pause for Christmas break. Then go go go
faster faster FASTER thirty pages papers, presentations, and long long
days for all of us and STOP! Summer break again. Breathe.
can be long. Long long and hard. Some days are lonely, some days are
the best we've ever had. Some days I look at my life and think that I
didn't sign up for this. This isn't what you think about when you say
your vows or read pregnant on that test, but it's what you find on this
road. Some days I think about the grass on the other side, the dreams
I had when I was younger, and the life that I lead now. I wonder.
even on these long, lonely days I look at my husband, my boy, my family
and I know that I wouldn't trade a second of it. I have a husband that
gets me, even when I am zitty and tired and mad, even if I don't say
thank you or I love you enough. From our first date, I knew he
understood me more than anyone ever had, more than I ever have. Even
now he understands that I bubble and stew for a few days before I can
articulate my thoughts and he gives me that time. He challenges me.
He pushes me to be myself. He makes me more me. He loves me for me.
And my boy Liam, well, you know. I found a new place in my heart when he was born.
is starting today. It makes me so hopeful and so sad. We are on this
path, the right path for us, but I will miss my best friend. We will
redo our budget, clear the clutter out of our closets and heads, make
pies and healthy meals. I will be a stronger person, a better wife,
mother and friend. This year I will say thank you more. I will say I
love you more. This year, with pencils and notebooks in tow, we will
be a stronger family.
As Liam grows and we race in this crazy
marathon, this will get easier and even though some days will be long
or lonely, I know that I wouldn't change a single day. I wouldn't
change this course. I wouldn't want that grass on the other side.
Because this side is great, and it's only going to get better.
Sometimes I wonder... what if I stayed with the college boyfriend and had never met John? What if I had chosen to go to New York for a job when our relationship was first starting instead of giving it up to see where this would go? What if things were different. What would my life be like? What if what if what if.
What about you? Do you wonder? Do you what if?
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