I'm convinced that one of the BIG reasons we tend to feel overwhelmed as modern, busy women is this:
We feel under-nurtured.
But what is "being nurtured?"
Think about that for a second.What do you NEED to feel nurtured?
I'll tell you what I discovered on my journey to a calm(ish) life:
I was waiting for the world to
REFLECT MY VALUE BACK TO ME.
- When my husband said I was pretty, I felt nurtured.
- When my kids thought to thank me for dinner, I felt nurtured.
- When my son actually cleaned his room upon being asked (rare moments indeed) I felt nurtured.
Without these externals, I felt emotionally parched and, quite frankly, bitchy that all my back-bending to nurture everyone else wasn't being reciprocated enough for my taste.
If you crave more calm in your life, that WON'T WORK.
Unfortunately, I had to learn this the hard, exhausting, beat-my-head-against-the-wall way.
No, seriously...the minute I TOOK RESPONSIBILITY for my happiness and stopped waiting for the world to fill me up, things started to shift.
My husband, my mom, my children, my friends, my co-workers, the Target checkout lady are not responsible for my happiness.
My kids can bicker or get a C on a report card or think my "creamy pumpkin pasta" is disgusting (okay, I'll give 'em that one...it was pretty gross); but my happiness doesn't need to derail.
My husband can have a crappy day at the restaurant and be too bone tired to help with the laundry, but that doesn't have to steal my thunder.
Does that mean I don't have bad days? I wish! Life doesn't work that way. How else would we grow and learn if we didn't overcome challenge from time to time?Nurturing ourselves means prioritizing our happiness. It means giving ourselves space to breathe, physically and emotionally.
It means being clear on how we want to feel (Essential Feelings anyone?) and here's the kicker...Doing something about it. It means designing the right amount of structure in our lives, our thoughts, and our space to support HOW we want to feel. I can have a crummy morning where - for whatever reason - everyone in my home is out of sorts but because my essential feelings are built into my daily experience, shaking off that bad mojo is doable. One area of my life that reflects my essential feelings is my closet. When I open my closet, I smile. It's calm. My clothes hang in the same direction. My shoes stand at attention. If something makes me look fat, I let it go. I lined the back of my Closetmaid storage cubbies with colorful paper that I adore. All this loveliness is JUST FOR ME! It was done ON PURPOSE - BY ME. I feel nurtured and the best part? I didn't have to wait around for anyone else.
I made a decision and made it happen. I say, let's find the areas of our lives that we can modify to support our essential feelings and take action!
I think this is a great way to take responsibility for our happiness and nurture ourselves.
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