Oh, Spring, How I Really Feel About You

5 years ago

Everyone loves spring. Oh, the pretty cherry blossoms! The bunnies and kittens! The first hint of warm breezes lifting the manes of unicorns! Let's. Discuss. Spring.

Now granted, I live in the Midwest, which is the center of God's wrath when it comes to weather. I've lived in various parts of the Midwest all my life, and I'm not here for the mountains or the oceans or the Southern-California-Stepford-Wife-Perfection. I live here because my family lives here, and also because its amber waves of grain are near affordable if boring housing. There is one interesting thing to note about the Midwest: Its nearly unequaled ability to overdo anything. For example ...

The Green Grass Does Sprout Forth ... As Does Everything Else

I do love the smell of fresh-cut grass. My father keeps wishing for cologne that smells like alfalfa. Last year, there was a drought. This year, there is the smell of fresh-cut Creeping Charlie, a weed so hardy and hard to eradicate, I do believe we'll be digging up huge swaths of our yard this year. DIE, CHARLIE, AND TAKE YOUR PRETTY PURPLE FLOWERS WITH YOU.

Credit Image: ednl on Flickr

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It's Hot! It's Cold! It's Hot! It's Cold!

It's not uncommon to experience thirty-degree temperature swings from day to day in Kansas City. Trying to decide whether I really need to repaint my toenails for open-toed sandals on Friday night is impossible on Tuesday. It's maddening and also confusing to the adjustable thermostat and my sinuses.

Credit Image: Phil Dillon on Flickr

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April Showers Bring May ... Mud

Oh, the little children love puddles! And dirt! And puddles and dirt together make?

Credit Image: mollypop on Flickr

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Gravel-Goop Eyes

If you have seasonal allergies, you know what I'm talking about. Eyes that itch so bad you could swear they're coated in ... something. Something bad. Something scratchy and itchy and OMG, the eye drops give you an eyegasm when you put them in. Until five minutes later, when the eyes itch AGAIN. Shoot me now.

Credit Image: Sarah Korf on Flickr

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End-of-School Everything That Must Happen Outside

My daughter's school district gets out in mid-May, which mean prom and graduation and summer camp dues and Teacher Appreciation Week and last-minute fundraisers and recognition ceremonies and Mother's Day all happens in the same three-hour window ... outside. It's overwhelming and expensive and usually covered in pretty spring flowers that you had to buy from Costco because your tulips are still covered in mud or hail.

Credit Image: Gone Apey on Flickr

Begone spring! Bring on summer, with its swimming pools and breaks from ballet and gymnastics and summer camp and grilling! Who's with me?

Rita Arens is the author of the young adult novel The Obvious Game & the senior editor of BlogHer. Find more at www.surrenderdorothyblog.com.

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