You guys, I really want to lose the baby weight I accumulated in the last few years from two back-to-back pregnancies. I also REALLY like to eat food. I really like to eat good for me, healthy food. But I also REALLY like to eat not so good for me homemade pizza and ice cream. And I typically throw in a few glasses of wine to round me out each night. So, for the most part, we do really well.
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We basically NEVER eat out (except for tonight when we we ordered pizza, and it was glorious), we shop on the outskirts of the grocery store (buying produce, meats, and dairy products for the babies), and we stick to a modified paleo diet, because I choose not to live without cheese ALL the time.
A lot of people I know are fully committed to the whole paleo lifestyle and have no qualms with the limitations it places on their variety of food. I’m STRIVING to be like those people, but, for now, I’m confessing that I don’t always love this lifestyle we're trying to commit to. So, if you’re thinking about taking the plunge, or maybe you already have, and can admit that it’s not all grain-free sunshine and roses, then read on!
Confession #1 - Coming off of processed foods is a lot like coming off crack (at least what I think it would be like)
Your body will actually ache as all the artificial nastiness makes its way out of your system. This is how Cheetos manufacturers insure that your daily habit continues for the rest of your life- it’s too painful to stop! The first 48-72 hours without grains and dairy will seem to last forever.
You will be hungry. You will be hangry. You will wonder why on Earth you’re torturing yourself and those around you, and whether you should just run to Subway for a blood sugar surge. After about day 3 of your new, clean living diet, your body will actually feel glorious and you will be wondering why you didn’t do this sooner. You’ll promise your already tighter tummy that you will never put that garbage in it again.
Confession #2 - You will fall off the wagon
Maybe you get hungry and have no good paleo-friendly options on hand. Maybe you are out to eat with your (rude) friends who order potatoes and baked ziti right in front of your face. Whatever the case may be, you will fall off the wagon. And probably sooner than you think.
You will walk into a restaurant and, having already researched the menu, feel very confident in your Harvest-Chicken-Salad-Hold-The-Cheese-Hold-The-Dressing order, when BAM! Your waiter mentions that the special today is a French dip sandwich on a homemade French baguette. 45 minutes and one delicious mistake later, you are off the wagon.
You figure that while you’re off, you might as well live it up and about 24 hours later, you'll be physically sick because of the binge meals you’ve indulged in. You will promise your now bloated and achy stomach to never, ever put that garbage in it again.
Confession #3 - You will have serious food envy/ FOMO
FOMO, or Fear of Missing Out, is never more real than when your (rude) friends continue to eat non-paleo friendly food right in front of your face. But, you’re wiser now. You won’t fall off the wagon just because your friends make terrible food choices and are slowly killing their bodies.
Instead, you will force yourself to pretend to enjoy your Harvest-Chicken-Salad-Hold-The-Cheese-Hold-The-Dressing while silently trying to taste your (rude) friend’s chili cheese fries in your mind. You’ll leave lunch promising yourself that you will find better, more considerate friends very soon.
Confession #4 - You will become a little self-righteous
Oh, your best friend is doing Weight Watchers? Wow, sounds challenging. NOT. Your coworker isn’t eating any dairy? Not impressed. Your dad has stopped eating desserts? Here’s your medal!
You are a full on caveman now. You are the most selective of all dieters. You are sacrificing at least 20 times more than anyone else that you know, and dang it if you’re not impressed with yourself! The only problem? Most people around you not only won’t understand what this whole Paleo thing is actually about, but they also WON'T CARE.
They don’t care that you meal prep for 9 hours each Sunday, that you pack 6 snacks per day so that you don’t fall victim to the snack machines at work, and they really won’t care that you have more energy than a 3 year old post pixie stick. You will leave most social events tapping your flat belly and promising it that those other bellies are just jealous.
Confession #5 - You will eventually get your head back on straight and realize that this whole paleo thing is pretty cool, but it’s not the coolest thing in your life
After a while, you will realize that while this whole Paleo lifestyle is TOTALLY worth the sacrifice, and you'll probably fall off the wagon every now and then. And you will probably experience food FOMO every now and then. And you will probably come across some non-believers.
And none of that will be that big of a deal because you’ve finally found something that works for you most of the time - a diet that you can stick to and raise your family on that’s not promising to move mountains unless you do the work to push them out of the way. But like everything else, it’s just another part of your life, not your whole life.
You’ll get back to believing that food is important, but not as important as experiences and people. So you’ll reconnect with those (rude) friends who eat baked ziti in front of you. You’ll congratulate your dad on losing some weight thanks to no longer indulging in a quart of ice cream each night. You’ll eat a piece of pizza without making yourself physically or mentally sick. And then, you’ll pat that tummy and promise to keep doing your best to treat it right for all the years to come.
What paleo confessions do you cave people have?
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