The spinning ice cream cone is here! In the years B.C. (Before Children), I’d file this under the useless piece of crap category, but my son is a chronic lazy licker. He loves the concept of cones, but he can never seem to lick fast enough to keep the cone from dribbling down his arms in a warm, sticky mess. Of course, then it falls on me to “help” him out and lick it into a more manageable shape. Tough job, but someone’s got to do it.

Maybe, just maybe this spinning cone will act as a mechanized personal tongue trainer to whip his lazy tongue into shape? Or maybe it will just spray melted ice cream everywhere with its double AA battery-powered centrifugal force. I’m thinking the latter.

LINK: Room Service

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My hubby and I celebrated our 11th wedding anniversary on Sunday and in honor of the occasion, he managed to nab a very hard to get reservation at Spago in Beverly Hills. Although I’d eaten at the Vegas location a few times, I’d never been to the L.A. restaurant. We had an awesome booth and it was the prime people watching table. My hubby elbowed me to point out the quintessential old Hollywood guy at the very next booth. He was a very Robert Evans type - overly tan - bordering on tanorexic, wearing oversized designer sunglasses at night and wearing his shirt unbuttoned to his solar plexus. A total character.

But my husband was totally freaked out by his female companion. “That woman’s pulled within an inch of her life” he whispered in horror. I glanced over at her and had to restrain myself from guffawing and whispered back, “That’s because it’s Joan Rivers.” He did a double take as discreetly as possible and said, “Oh my God, you’re right. Yikes!”

Yikes is right. Joan Rivers is the poster child for bad, out-of-control plastic surgery. If you think she looks scary on the red carpet on Oscar night, she’s downright terrifying in person. She once famously said, “A bad face lift is better than no face lift.” I beg to differ. Especially if you’ve had multiple lifts, implants and who knows what else? The result is that poor Ms. Rivers looks subhuman. In fact, she resembled an aging hammerhead shark since her eyes are so far apart as the result of a vigorous face lift, or two, or three. It’s too bad she messed around with her face so much. I think she’s talented and hilarious. But her face should serve as a cautionary tale to all women who can’t leave well enough alone.

But enough about Joan. The restaurant experience was mixed. We decided to go with the tasting menu since we’re foodies and don’t like making decisions about what to eat. So having a little bit of everything makes us happiest. I think that’s one of the many things I love about my hubby - his adventurous palate. I don’t have too many friends who are game to eat everything and anything when we go out so it’s so very nice when your best friend, who also happens to be your spouse, can be that partner in food crime. All went well and quickly for the first few courses, then everything in the kitchen came to a screeching halt. We waited and waited and my butt started to go numb from all the sitting around. Our waiter and maitre d’, formerly so attentive, disappeared and avoided our eye. This is a world-class restaurant, not Chili’s, so what gives?

The flustered maitre d’ finally came over to our table with profuse apologies and some strange story about how our entree was supposed to be rabbit but there was some disagreement in the kitchen over where this rabbit was so now it was lamb. Ok-ay, whatever. He offered us some free dessert or wine to make up for the wait so we got a comped dessert wine. The main entree finally came out and it was good, but not spectacular. The dessert came out with Happy Anniversary etched in frosting onto our plates. By the end of the evening, I was stiff from sitting for over 2 1/2 hours. The upshot was that they comped half of our bill - a huge discount at $95 off. We were impressed at their commitment to making things right for us after we were forced to wait. I was exhausted by the time we got home. Funny how eating and sitting for so long can be so tiring. High class problems, huh?

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The USDA has accepted these Pickle Pops as a healthy alternative to sugary popsicles for private and public school districts across the country. Basically, this is frozen pickle juice in a tube, sort of like a Pickle Flavored Otter Pop.

WTF?!!

It may be sugar free, but it contains like 300% of your daily recommended sodium intake! Are school kids more in danger of going into a diabetic coma than having high blood pressure?

I predict a lunchtime uprising in schools across America.

LINK: PickleSickle.com

What do you think?

Does this sound like a scrummy, healthy treat or does it activate your gag reflex?

• LOW CARB — Only 3g of carbs per serving

• LOW CALORIE — 20 calories per 4 oz serving

• NO CHOLESTEROL

• NO SUGAR

• GLUTEN-FREE

• DAIRY-FREE

• CONTAINS 10% CALCIUM • GUILT-FREE

Spring has sprung and all the tank tops and strappy dresses are adorning the store windows. As much as I hate to diet, I’ve reached a frustrating plateau of postpartum weight loss. In my previous pregnancies, those last five were the most stubborn to lose and ironically, they only budged when I ate MORE. Guess I needed to trick the ol’ metabolism out of fat storage mode. This time around, however, my body knows all my tricks and has stubbornly decided to hang on to my last three pounds of belly fat no matter how much I work out or eat or don’t eat.

So this time, I’m cutting back on my carb intake and that’s no easy feat for a Korean girl who loves her rice and noodles. That’s why I love these “noodles” that aren’t really noodles at all. They’re only 20 calories a serving and you can substitute this into any pasta recipe.

The drawbacks: When you open the bag, you will want to pass out from the smell. It really smells like a bag of dead goldfish until you rinse and drain those noodles thoroughly. Just breathe through your mouth and avert your face during the rinsing process. Also, the texture takes a little getting used to. It’s kind of squeaky and slippery and slimy.

But it’s so easy to prepare. Just nuke these rinsed noodles in the microwave for a minute then toss with your favorite marinara sauce, curry sauce, or even low fat chili (which I did last night) and you have a healthy, low-cal dinner in a flash. Too bad I can’t convince my kids to touch the stuff. I find these at my local supermarket wherever they sell tofu in the refrigerator section. But then again, I live in L.A. with a good ethnic population.

Here’s a link to House Foods America for where you can find these noodles in your area.

I’ll be the first to admit that the Asian palate is not like the others. If you’ve ever wondered what kinds of regional preferences that chains like Dominos and Pizza Hut accommodate in South Korea and Japan, here’s a link from Slice about Top Ten Crazy Asian Pizzas.

Yet even my salivary glands dry up at the mere thought of this Whole Shrimp Cheese Bite Pizza offered at Pizza Hut in South Korea and Japan. I wonder how this would taste cold the next morning?

But the craziest thing about all these uber-cheesy pizzas on this list is that the majority of Asians are lactose-intolerant. I can’t imagine the digestive torture that would ensue after downing one of these pizzas.

This April, when the first South Korean astronaut goes into space, he’ll have his beloved kimchi in his lunchbox. As a Korean girl, I totally understand the obsession with kimchi. But this excerpt from the article in the International Herald Tribune has me concerned about whether this is such a hot idea after all.

After millions of dollars and years of research, South Korean scientists successfully engineered kimchi and nine other Korean recipes fit for space travel. When the Russian space authorities this month approved them for Ko’s trip, the South Korean food companies that participated in the research took out full-page newspaper ads.

The other space food Koreans created include the national instant noodle called ramyeon, hot pepper paste, fermented soybean soup and sticky rice.

But kimchi - a must-have side dish at every Korean meal - was the toughest to turn into space food.

“The key was how to make a bacteria-free kimchi while retaining its unique taste, color and texture,” said Lee Ju Woon at the Korean Atomic Energy Research Institute, who began working on the newfangled kimchi in 2003 with samples provided by his mother.

Ordinary kimchi is teeming with microbes, like lactic acid bacteria, which help fermentation. On Earth they are harmless, but scientists fear they could turn dangerous in space if cosmic rays cause them to mutate. Another problem is that kimchi has a short shelf life, especially when temperatures fluctuate rapidly, as they do in space.

“Imagine if a bag of kimchi starts fermenting and bubbling out of control and bursts all over the sensitive equipment of the spaceship,” Lee said.

Is it me, or does this sound like the premise for a horror movie? Or worse, a doomsday scenario where the fourth horseman of the apocalypse is…space kimchi.

No! No! No! No! Could anything be more disgusting and downright wrong than the concept of Fruit Loop flavored cereal straws? Granted, I’ve never been able to gag down a single mouthful of those artificially colored, saccharine flavored circles of hell, so I’m afraid I can’t appreciate the gastronomic genius behind this multi-tasking new breakfast food.

But I’m confused. Is it a food or is it a utensil? Are you supposed to eat it or drink it — or both? I wonder if it gets soggy in milk and disintegrates into a mushy, flaccid, technicolor worm, effectively canceling out the straw function? I refuse to sample it and I certainly refuse to let my son lapse into a diabetic coma just to be a guinea pig.