MILF - Compliment or Not?

I’ve always been bemused by the term MILF (Mom I’d Like to F*ck). I know many women who consider it a compliment and aspire to MILFdom from the moment their pee stick shows those double pink lines. But I think that being called a MILF is actually a backhanded compliment - a very condescending example of damning with faint praise.

I’m not going into a political feminist rant about men objectifying women, because let’s face it. We all want to be considered hot and desirable by the opposite sex or the same sex (whatever your preference) and that’s natural and normal. My problem with the term is that it divides Moms from the rest of the women. And the attractive moms, the so-called MILFs, are further culled from the frumpy, maternal masses.

To be considered a MILF is to imply that you’re an exception to the unspoken rule that Moms are generally undesirable and unattractive. It’s like saying, “Hey, you’re pretty hot….for a mom. But you’re still a mom so don’t let all this sexiness go to your head. Because you’re still not as hot as the Non-Moms.”

Gee, thanks a lot!

Either a woman is attractive or she’s not. Period. End of Story. Why do we need qualifiers that put moms in a separate leper colony? Even my female friends do this unintentionally. Before I had children, I never lacked for male attention or dates. Three pregnancies later, I think I actually look better now than I did in my twenties. My facial baby fat has melted away, revealing cheekbones for the first time in my life and I still wear a size 2. But almost everybody who greets me will say something along the lines of “Oooh, look at you hot mama!” or “Hey sexy mama!”

As soon as I became a mother, I crossed that invisible divide and all compliments about my appearance are faintly patronizing when you throw in the Mom label with every adjective. It’s like being patted on the head and being told, “Ah, bless her little heart. She still thinks she’s got it going on.”

And as for male attention, well, from my experience, a baby is the ultimate cloaking device. Men simply stopped seeing me if I had my kids with me. But if I was out without them, I was back on the radar. So, it’s little wonder that us moms are desperate for any validation that we haven’t lost our mojo. I totally get it.

But I’m not so worried that I’m past my prime that I’m willing to settle for a former porn term that reeks with condescension and try to convert it into a compliment either.

The terms are interchangeable as far as I’m concerned: Hot Mom, Yummy Mummy, Cougars, Pumas - whatever.

So what do you think? Do you consider MILF a compliment or not?