No! No! No! No! Could anything be more disgusting and downright wrong than the concept of Fruit Loop flavored cereal straws? Granted, I’ve never been able to gag down a single mouthful of those artificially colored, saccharine flavored circles of hell, so I’m afraid I can’t appreciate the gastronomic genius behind this multi-tasking new breakfast food.

But I’m confused. Is it a food or is it a utensil? Are you supposed to eat it or drink it — or both? I wonder if it gets soggy in milk and disintegrates into a mushy, flaccid, technicolor worm, effectively canceling out the straw function? I refuse to sample it and I certainly refuse to let my son lapse into a diabetic coma just to be a guinea pig.

My husband is a writer on the CBS show The Ghost Whisperer (try saying that five times). Most people don’t know that this show is based on the real life “ghost whisperer” Mary Ann Winkowski. Not only is she the inspiration for the show, she is a creative consultant and she comes to Los Angeles a few times a year to visit the production offices and demonstrate her dead people seeing abilities to the staff. She’s renowned for her ability to “clear houses” of unwanted spiritual entities, and my dh immediately volunteered our house (after consulting with me).

So this afternoon, Ms. Winkowski, the entire writing staff of The Ghost Whisperer, their assistants and an news reporter and cameraman will be descending on my house to communicate with our resident ghost(s).

According to Winkowski, we have two — Read the rest of this entry »

Calling all moms, another questionably useful yet tastefully packaged mom accessory is now for sale. It’s part first-aid kit and part toddler “entertainment” i.e. distraction. It’s cleverly called the Momergency Kit and if it had some sort of snacks included, it’d be near perfect.

Probably my favorite feature, is the clear plastic pill case where you can store some extra-strength Advil or other favorite mood-enhancing pharmaceutical of choice for those times when nothing but drugs will dull that migraine that only comes from spending too much time with a small, soul-crushing toddler.

I confess, I feel threatened by squirrels and chipmunks. Oh sure, they’re cute and funny and I love to feed them at parks and such.

But just under the surface of all the cuteness, there’s a whole lot of crazy going on and you never know if they’re going to be satisfied with that granola bar you’re offering them or if they’re going to sink those fangs dripping with rabies into your jugular.

It’s that cunning unpredictability that keeps me on the edge when I’m around these rodents. So maybe that’s why I so appreciate this video clip of a scary chipmunk.

The Vatican has issued its Drivers Ten Commandments just in time to save the souls of rage-a-holics world-wide before the summer road trips start.

Drivers’ Ten Commandments

1. You shall not kill.

2. The road shall be for you a means of communion between people and not of mortal harm.

3. Courtesy, uprightness and prudence will help you deal with unforeseen events.

4. Be charitable and help your neighbor in need, especially victims of accidents.

5. Cars shall not be for you an expression of power and domination, and an occasion of sin.

6. Charitably convince the young and not so young not to drive when they are not in a fitting condition to do so. Read the rest of this entry »

Marvel has just announced a multi-year licensing deal with Fruit of the Loom to market character underwear. According to this Reuters article, The Incredible Hulk and The Iron Man will be among the first characters to emblazon children’s tighty whities everywhere.

Um, maybe I’m kind of a perv, but does anybody else snicker at the thought of the “The Incredible Hulk” and “Iron Man” at crotch level of little boys? Could this be construed as being a little bit inappropriate?

I’m still mourning the loss of underoos. I love my Victoria’s Secret underwear, but nothing says sassy like the Wonder Woman underoos I used to wear.

This dad certainly does NOT deserve a necktie for Father’s Day. What a cretin. I’m going to indulge in a little drive-by parenting here by saying that the dad who taped this and posted this on youtube has a seriously sadistic streak. That being said, I will admit that I laughed at first and then when I saw how seriously terrified this poor kid was, I wanted to cry with him.

mean dad

Whenever I think of Jelly Shoes, I am transported back to 1984 again. And that’s not a good thing. Although I do have a weakness for those kicky, plastic shoes I can’t bear to put those back on my feet for fear of having some 7th grade flashback of my awkward, frizzy-haired self, shuffling uncertainly through the flickering fluorescent-lit hallways of my junior high school. Yes, some pubescent memories are better left repressed.

But now that Marc Jacobs has introduced his adorable jelly round toe ballet flats, I am actually sorely tempted to risk awakening those long dormant ghosts of adolescent angst past. Since I’m a shrimpy 5 ft. 2, I am partial to wedge heeled shoes to boost my petite stature. But ever since I almost broke my foot in taekwondo class last month, I have been under strict orders from my doctor to wear only flat shoes or sandals until the crack on the top of my foot heals so I started doing some online shopping for cute flats. Although I’m a big fan of the ubiquitous ballet flat, they don’t flatter my wide, karate-bruised feet. I’m convinced that karate has helped me maintain my pre-baby figure, it has ruined my feet. The guy who does my pedicure always marvels at the rainbow of bruises on my toenails that the magic of polish covers up.

I think these flats are too cute but I have yet to try them on. I’m a little wary of the translucent, glass-slipperish quality of these shoes. They look delicate and airy but the cruel reality will probably resemble jars of pickled pigs feet once I try to jam my sweaty, calloused toes in there.  I won’t look like Cinderella but a walking deli item.

Apparently, you can pick up more than your neighbor’s conversations over your baby monitor. A mom in Illinois has been receiving live video feed from inside NASA’s Space Shuttle Atlantis!
Here’s the story

Does your husband/significant other suffer from an insidious condition called CFS (Can’t Find Shit) Syndrome? Although there’s been recent studies claiming male superiority in spatial abilities which allegedly explains their superior map-reading and driving skills, how does this explain the average male’s utter uselessness at finding ANYTHING around the house?

I’ll admit it, I’m a crappy map reader. Although I’m a damn good driver and have never been in a car accident. Unlike other feminists who get all huffy about gender differences, I am all too happy to blame my personal failures on my gender. Personal accountability is so outdated. Why take responsibility for your shortcomings when you can find a medical condition that explains it all away? This way I’m no longer a retard, I’m just testosterone-deficient.

Ironically, as I write this blog about the alleged superiority of male spatial abilities Read the rest of this entry »