A judge in New Zealand has ordered the unfortunately named 9-year-old girl, Talula Does the Hula in Hawaii, to become a ward of the court, in order to legally change her name. To protect her identity, the name hasn’t been revealed.

According to the story, the judge was fed up with the recent trend of parents saddling their children with bizarre names and the law doesn’t allow names that could cause offense to anybody or are longer than 100 characters. In the past, officials had blocked Sex Fruit, Keenan Got Lucy and Yeah Detroit, but Number 16 Bus Shelter, Violence and Midnight Chardonnay had been allowed.

Personally, I think there should be new law for parents who want to inflict a ridiculous moniker on their offspring - they should also be forced to have their names legally changed to something random and ridiculous at the judge’s discretion and see how they like it.

LINK: BBC NEWS

It’s summer time and the living is NOT easy. Every year, I look forward to summer and every time it arrives, I wonder why? Maybe it’s just childhood nostalgia because I swear I spend my entire day in the car, frantically ferrying my hot, cranky, bored kids to swimming lessons, camp and other activities. School’s only been out for three weeks but at this frenetic pace, I just might be dead by September.

Now that I’m a mom, summer is no vacation. The days go by in a blur of sweat, sunblock and smell like chlorine. I live in the San Fernando Valley, which is a good 10 degrees hotter than metropolitan Los Angeles. The blazing heat makes outdoor activities besides swimming unbearable. Playgrounds are ghost towns after noon.

And yet.. yet I still love the summer. I hate being hot but there’s something relaxing about spending your day wearing flip flops and tank tops. I love the smell of suntan lotion. I love turning the hose on and letting my toddler run around naked in the backyard. I love sitting on my deck at night and listening to the crickets and the coyotes. I love gorging on watermelons and cherries. I love counting the freckles on my son’s nose. It’s hardwired into my SoCal psyche to love summer against all my better judgment.

I was flipping through Los Angeles magazine when I came across a story about Jennifer Moss, the L.A.-based CEO of babynames.com, and her services as a baby-naming coach for $95 per hour. Normally, I would roll my eyes at yet another seemingly absurd maternity or baby luxury. But after meeting far too many moniker-challenged tykes named after New York boroughs and fresh produce, I’m starting to think that more parents should cough up the cash (which amounts to only $20 more than what it costs to fill up my gas tank each week). The irony though is that everybody considers themselves an expert about baby names and are all to eager to offer their advisory services for free.

Of course, if a second opinion is what you’re after, almost anybody from the homeless person asking for spare change to the UPS man seemed more than happy to offer up his or her two cents about name choices when I was pregnant. I’m always astounded that the most curmudgeonly asshole who wouldn’t stop to give you directions and would probably step over your convulsing body without breaking their stride if you were to suddenly drop dead in the street, will gladly spend their lunch hour shitting on your baby name choice and why they think it sucks.

LINK: babynames.com

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I recently went to see my dermatologist about my monthly hormonal breakouts which seemed to surface even though I faithfully applied to nightly Tazorac. Although I’m 37, my skin behaves as it it’s still 16 and it’s as oily as can be. The upside is nary a line, wrinkle or hint of crowsfeet, but I’m kind of tired of using Clearasil.

My doctor is really into natural supplements so she asked me about my monthly cycle and recommended fish oil capsules. She said the omega-3 fatty acids would help regulate my pms mood swings and clear up my skin. I was skeptical at first and wondered if this fish oil wasn’t really snake oil. She sells a pharmaceutical grade of fish oil called Arctic Oils that’s purified and free of mercury. The only problem is: the pills are ginormous! Luckily, they’re slippery gel caps that slide on down my throat, even as they leave a visible bulge on their journey.

I’ve been taking two of these capsules a day for three weeks now and although I haven’t noticed a single change in my acne yet, the difference in my monthly mood swings have been remarkable. Even my husband commented on my chipper mood during the usually drama-packed week leading up to my monthly visitor. Usually I’m tearful, irritable and itching for a fight. But this month I felt…normal. No bloating, no cravings for chocolate and no crying fits. Even my cramps were milder than usual this month and I didn’t need quite as much Advil.

I feel all around healthier, more energetic and plain old happier. Ever since my 21-month old was born, I’ve had nagging fatigue, irritability and heart palpitations. I’ve had physicals done and had my thyroid checked but tests always came up normal. I just chalked it up to stress and not enough rest. Could it be that I was deficient in Omega-3 fatty acids all this time? I’m so happy I stumbled across this supplement and I can’t recommend it enough. Of course your mileage may vary, but who couldn’t use more DHA in their life? Clearly, I needed it.

LINK: Arctic Oils

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Don’t you love technology? This nifty new gadget is essentially the world’s most expensive thermometer. Available in the UK and Europe this summer, it will cost about $1200 USD. No idea when it will be available around these parts.

It works by attaching a small rubber skin sensor patch in the area of your armpit and this handheld device continuously monitors fluctuations of your body temperature throughout the day. A chart and graph can be viewed printed out by plugging this gadget into your computer. I’ve done the whole BBT charting thing and let me tell you, it sucks. For optimum accuracy you can’t sleep with your mouth open or drink too much or sleep in. You have to take the damn temperature at the same time, every day, after a night of continuous sleep. Not such an easy feat if you already have another child. Sure it’s not cheap, but it’s cheaper than many other fertility treatments out there and its non-invasive.

I don’t have any idea what those cryptic symbols on the face could possibly mean - it’s certainly not intuitive.  What’s with the lightning bolt? I can’t imagine how thick the user manual must be on this thing.

LINK: Duofertility.com 

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I used to snicker at those classic Life Alert commercials for fallen seniors like everyone else - until I took a spill today. It happened in my taekwondo class while I was doing a roundhouse kick to a paddle held at my partner’s head level. As I spun on my left leg, my foot slipped out from under me and the next thing I knew, I went down like a ton of bricks onto my left side and forearm. Hard. The force snapped my shoulders and neck to my right side and I lay there, stunned and frozen with pain for a few minutes. Everybody rushed over to me in alarm, but although I was stiff and in pain, nothing was broken or pulled. Just jarred and sore.

Note to self: Some beauty routines are death traps. I have a nightly ritual of slathering my calloused feet with AmLactin alpha hydroxy lotion and then layering that with Burt’s Bees foot lotion. My feet are soft and smooth, if a little greasy the next morning. I rolled out of bed and went straight to class this morning, postponing my morning shower until after I worked out.

Lotion-y bare feet + karate mat = I’ve Fallen and I Can’t Get up!

I resumed the rest of my workout even though I was stiff and in pain because I reasoned that sitting around and letting my muscles get cold would only make me feel worse. By the end of class, I was feeling much better and it wasn’t until the car ride home when I was stationary for ten minutes that the pain began to peak. I took a hot shower and popped two extra strength Advil and let my toddler watch an extra TV show while I rested with an ice pack on my neck. My 21-month-old was dancing around to Yo Gabba Gabba and he tripped over a toy and fell down, and got back up without missing a beat. I couldn’t help but envy the boing of youth.

I watch my boys fall down all the time. I’m quick to say briskly, “Oops. Up on your feet” in order to avoid escalating the drama. And it’s amazing how small children are like Gumby. Maybe it’s because they’re closer to the ground, maybe it’s because their bones and joints are more springy, but they recover from spills and falls multiple times a day. Now I’m 37 and in excellent physical condition, but a fall at my age really f*cking hurts! I used to eat pavement all the time as a kid while rollerskating or running and it never phased me. Now I count myself lucky that I didn’t break my hip and have started upping my calcium intake. It makes me want to buy a Life Alert necklace. Are those still for sale?

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