Just in case any of my buds out there are under the illusion I maintain a glamorous existence, let me share a little story.

About an hour ago, after allowing myself to leisurely oversleep (just a bit), I scratched myself out of bed to jump in the shower. I instantly noticed that the water that I normally like pretty hot was bordering on scalding, and tried to adjust…I noticed then the water was just getting greater and greater force. I went to turn it off, and couldn’t…the faucet just kept on turning, nothing happening!

I was scared. I jumped out of the shower, and soaking wet (not to mention hair in a mass of suds), threw on my robe and ran down the hall to bang on my basement door.

My building is interesting. We do have a live-in super: He however does not have a phone, or a door bell, or any way of reaching him beyond leaving a note under his door, which he will find and appear to fix pretty quickly. I did not have time for a note: Before I knew it, iZac and all my pretty pink things were in danger of drowning!!!

I banged, he did not answer, I ran back and finally the shower (pretty magically) went off. However, the lever is still loosely turning, so I am pretty sure at some point it may turn back on! This leaves me in fear of leaving my prison-apt, and unsure of the problem or how to proceed.

(And part of me is already blaming myself for balancing my caddy of fancy bath soaps and gels on said caddy the last three months.)

I have left two notes, and sit here looking a-fright (in fright)…

(Perhaps I killed puppies in a past life? Explained it for Angelus.)

Please meet the most high-fashion dress to hit my closet in ages.

This isn’t the sort of frock you’ll find on sale at the mall!

A gift from a hot up-and-coming West Coast designer, Keemia, it’s flirty and romantic and just a little Sex and the City. (Note the feather!)

It drapes playfully and can’t help but inspire me to plot a summer frolic!

Check out more of her gorgeous designs here.

I have long subscribed to the shopping-as-therapy impetus. This began during childhood when my mom would encourage me to take a sick day to go to the Macy*s one day sale with her - and then have my uncle (a doctor) write me an absence note.

This set a really bad precedent, culminating in a mild eBay addiction and wayyy too many frequent-shopper cards. Victoria’s Secret even sends me a birthday card each year!

At times I’ve, like all beings with a semi-serious compulsion, felt a little guilty about my addiction. Finally, though, I’ve forgiven myself: A new study has revealed that shopping is literally *good for your health*! Well, how about that?! It appears that I’ve been engaging in a form of taking my vitamins all this time.

While it has long been known that many women enjoy shopping——there’s now scientific evidence that shopping does actually bring physical happiness! The research, conducted by renowned researcher Dr. David Lewis of the MindLab International on behalf of T.J. Maxx, scientifically reveals that finding a bargain is in fact, a euphoric experience that did not occur in women shopping a department, discount and specialty store.

The study was done by examining the physiological and neurological effects that shopping produces.

Further, the results revealed that shopping at an off-price retailer, such as T.J. Maxx or Marshalls (where you will often find designer duds at like 60% off of retail):

• Produces as much of a thrill as skydiving, and scoring an unbelievable fashion find is a greater euphoric feeling than kissing a loved one!
• Stimulates brain chemistry and releases endorphins into our systems, giving us a great feeling of overall well-being.
• Produces ‘feel good’ chemicals that give the brain a buzz including serotonin which effects large areas of the brain and stimulate that euphoric experience.
• One of the key areas of the brain pleasantly stimulated by shopping is called the nucleus accumbens located within the emotional regions of the brain. The nucleus accumbens is thought to play an important role in reward, laughter, pleasure, addiction and fear.
• Produces a euphoric experience greater than sky diving, kissing or eating chocolate —increasing heart rates to 192 beats per minute, more than triple the normal resting heart rate of 60.

Girls (and some guys) are already well aware that this is true - an especially successful shopping experience can feel better than sex, more invigorating than an exercise routine, and leave you happy for hours to come. (Which is more than you can say for either of the aforementioned examples.)

Just because I am SO dedicated to my cause, I pledge to visit my favorite nearby outlet center tomorrow (Jersey Gardens, home of many a bargain), and test how my glee ebbs and flows depending on the bargain and the type of outlet. It’s a tough job, but someone has to do it!

Tolstoy once wrote: “It is amazing how complete the delusion that beauty is goodness.”

While this notion is most certainly a valid one — I’ve known my fair share of outwardly beautiful people who were pretty damn ugly where it counted — we can’t deny that feeling beautiful, well, feels, darn great and that leads to good things!

As a beauty “editrix”, I’ve gotten to do lots of fun beauty-riffic things - that while not enriching my soul did make me feel quite good - but this afternoon, sitting at Dashing Diva across from Legally Blonde’s Laura Bell Bundy getting matching “Elle of a Pedicures” ranks pretty close to the top.

I’ve never seen the play, but I’m super enamored with the movie - and all things pink. So, it turns out that - once again - Dashing Diva and I were a perfect match!

For those of you who have never been (and you have no excuse, there’s locations all over the place!), this salon is like no other. First of all, on select nights of the week, they have happy hour, where you get free cosmopolitans with mani’s or pedi’s - as you sit on Dashing Diva’s long upholstered banquettes with pillows. It’s very lounge-like, and conducive to group hangs and girls nights out. (If I ever actually get married, I’m totally considering the first leg of my bachelorette party to be there!)

They have a long menu of pedicures to offer (and at this point, I think I’ve tried them all), but today’s event was centered around the Legally Blonde-esque “Elle of a Pedicure”.

I almost texted my BFF (my traditional pedicure-date when Broadway stars are not available) in sheer shock and awe when I was initially greeted with the JELLY BATH. It seems true divas do not soak their feet in sudsy water, but in Legally Pink Elixer with pure Ylang-Ylang. This is followed by Legally Pink Summer Scrub and Delta-Nu Pink Masque wrapped on your feet and legs. The store advertises the mission behind this pampering is that happier people are just nicer…and you know, I couldn’t agree more! I sure as hell have seen what being miserable does to people’s moods…

The pedicure winds down with a 10-minute leg massage with Elle body butter and polish (of course, in pink, but I think you can get other colors)…all while in a pink salon drinking pink cosmos….this place may be even more girlie than me…

My toes are adorable, I have to say. And while Tolstoy may not agree with the Dashing Diva edict, I have to say: Toe-tal cuteness = happiness = nicer people all around!

Today, after attending a lovely event at the Buckingham Hotel penthouse suite, I was in fabulous spirits. It was a beautiful day, my arms were weighed down with fun house-adorning swag, all was fine with the world.

And then I remembered that this week was the Betsey Johnson sample sale, and my glee got just a little bit more gigantic.

I love Betsey Johnson - her style embodies a lot of my most valued fashion themes - and her samples sales are famous for being insane. (As in $400 dresses slashed to well under $100.) While I don’t necessarily *need* anything, I do have a ton of pretty posh events coming up. Any purchases I made would thus not be a splurge, but an investment in my future, and quite frankly, a reflection on my brand’s image. It could, in effect, change the scope of my entire career.

How sad thus the outcome was to be.

The sample sale was held in a large conference room at a midtown hotel, and even in the normally quite post-lunch mid-afternoon hours, was a packed madhouse of trend-hungry post-teeny-boppers. Those of you who frequent the Barney’s Warehouse Sale may be familiar with the scene: As there were no dressing rooms, women would crowd in corners shielding themselves with the bodies of friends, ripping off their clothes in order to try on just about anything they could find in (or close to) their size. In such an environment, we can’t help but return to our animal kingdom roots, and it’s very much an exercise of survival of the fittest.

Any man (or non-shopping-wise) woman who walked into this scene might be somewhat frightened…immediately it will become apparent to even the most casual of observers that there are some who are not practiced in the procedures. Said members of the kingdom are the ones who do not survive, will likely be pushed and shoved aside, and should they even find any items in their size, will likely have it ripped away from them in a fit of shopping frenzy. If they even get that far — these are also the girls that aren’t savvy enough to wear appropriate communal changing attire: Ladies, if you are going to be stripping down in front of strangers, don’t wear thongs or see-thru/crotchless panties, no one wants to see your butt, no matter how little cottage cheese it may have. And the same goes for see-thru bras. Unless you are trying to woo the security into creating a secret Betsey stash for you, (and it likely won’t work…they are INTENSE), there’s a time and a place. Got it?

Same goes for you all who go braless…I mean, I’m all for those commando days, but seriously….sheesh.

As soon as I had entered the room, I fell in love with a black and pink mesh cocktail dress with a hot pink sash across the bodice ($400 marked down to $35!). Even more exciting, they had one left in a size 0!

I followed the lead of the nearby masses, pulling my own little black dress over my head, and tossing it aside to try on my soon-to-be-new dress. And it didn’t zip! I thought back to the dessert I had with lunch, sighed in regret, and tried on the 2. That did not fit either! All around me, I saw other girls slip dresses right on…no sighing, no tears.

My glorious day officially sucked.

There’s nothing like absolute failure at the sale of all sales to make you question the very nature of your femininity. And while I was ready to throw all the chocolate from my fridge, I must reflect…all my current clothes do still fit, so my ass couldn’t have widened that much. Sample sales = mis-sized = misery waiting to happen. Still, I sort of wonder if those braless girls had a point after all…it does leave more room for that zipper…

Sigh. I am pretty sure I am sooo done with chocolate anyway. And, sadly, my soon-to-be-perfect dress.

This is where I shall be tomorrow (getting MY legally pink pedicure), come join me!

Legally Pink Pedicure Party at Dashing Diva!

Who: Dashing Diva and the female cast of Legally Blonde the Musical, including lead actress Laura Bell Bundy

When: Thursday June 26th 4-6pm

Where: Dashing Diva nail spa, 149 3rd Avenue, between 14th & 15th Street (NYC)

Why: Customers are invited to hang-out with the female cast members and compete in the Bend & Snap competition (if you are a crazy fanatic of the movie as I am, you know what that is!).

The female cast members from Legally Blonde will be judging the best Bend & Snap move with prizes going to the first THREE winners: 1st prize wins a pair of 2 tickets to the hit Broadway musical, Gift Certificate for one Elle of a Pedicure, and a gift bag with Dashing Diva and Legally Blonde musical goodies; 2nd prize wins a pedicure and goodie bag; and 3rd prize wins a stuffed goodie bag.

Since many of you are not NYC-dewellers, or have day desks you are shackled to, I will be sure to issue a full post-party report!  So so excited. (And not just because even my friends have started to comment on the sad, chipped nature of my toes!)

Last week, I suffered a loss that while seemingly minor, threw my very existence into a tizzy.

I lost my favorite sunglasses.

For the next five days, I walked around variating between squinting at the sun (not attractive) and wearing my back-up stretched-out-of-shape non-cute frames.

Nothing ruins a stylish ensemble like a good eyeliner-smearing squint. My missing (and assumed dead) glasses were pretty much destroying me on the most basic of levels, one sweaty lid at a time.

In desperation at my current state of helplessness, I issued a tearful SOS on the pages of this blog. Within moments, Sunglass Hut came to my rescue and invited me to their SoHo NYC location to find new sunglasses - which they predicted would be the perfect sunglasses for me: So incredibly perfect that I may stop thinking of my loss, as well, a loss at all.

I personally believe there’s no better way to cope with a relationship ending than jumping right back on that horse, so I dried my tears (and heat-streaked mascara) and gleefully accepted.

This afternoon, though, as I sat my desk (yes, the same desk that witnessed the horrific events of yesterday) I watched the skies open up and a deluge of rain appear. It seemed like a pretty ludicrous day to go out for sunwear - especially considering the not-so-proverbial cloud over my head - but I did have an appointment scheduled with Paolo Venezia, an awesome SGH style expert - that was not to be missed.

Paolo is totally sexy - thus I was assured that he can read what is sexy on me - and we went about trying on tons of pairs looking for the ones that best complimented my face shape, bone structure, and coloring. We even took some pairs outside to do the sun-squint test! He is a (hot) master.

One of the coolest things about SGH is the unique design. Unlike most other eyewear stores with their locked glass cases, here you can liberally pick up and try on EVERY pair. This rocks for indecisive girl like me. And it also works out for shy guys and girls - while you may want to ask for help (since style experts like Paolo just may know better than you what the right look for you is) you can play among yourself and just browse until you find your fit without having to talk to anyone! What Paolo did may look like magic, but there is a science involved - and stylists like him are available at every location to help you out.

The pair we ended up choosing was deliciously sexy, just a little bit trendy, and very cute-enhancing - handcrafted in Italy by Persol (from the Italian “Per Il Sol” or “For the Sun” - how awesome is that?!) in dark tortoise and brown. They are rectangle-shaped - which I think is totally nerdy-chic.

And I just may be going back for a certain red pair…

I think I have a new addiction.

Sigh.

This afternoon, as I whined about the black cloud over my head since morning, a friend of mine suggested that I make the deliberate decision to create a “banquet” out of my day’s less than beautiful bounty.

In response to his wise advice, I decided to “wine” rather than “whine” and try out my brand-new just-received toy - my electric corkscrew!

I’m quite good at drinking wine, but I’m not so great at opening bottles…so, this corkscrew is a dream-come-true.

From Oster, it uncorks my wine in about 10 seconds flat, and does a really cool whirling motion as it does so. But even more awesome - as it lives on its charger, it emits this excellent red beam of light across my apartment. If I turn the lights out, it’s almost like I’m at some sort of light show!

I decided to open a bottle of Seven Daughters White Winemakers Blend for its inaugural use. It’s so perfect for my totally all over the place personality of the day - It’s:

- 24% French Colombard

· 19% Chardonnay

· 17% Riesling

· 17% Symphony

· 11% Orange Muscat

· 6% Gewürztraminer

· 6% Sauvignon Blanc, working out to a really nice, light, sweet blend…and is just the “dessert” my frazzled mind craved!

It now has a spot of honor, right beside my Polka Dot Riesling. (I am a serial wine monogamist.)

I like to consider myself a fairly self-sufficient non-dependent-on-a-man sort of gal.

I had a great foundation, I grew up in a household where my dad didn’t know a hammer from a hammer-toe, and my mom routinely would have random whims to paint a kitchen and then build new chairs to complete the look.

But there’s a few things that, I’m sorry, men are just better at. And among them are:

• Killing bugs
• Lifting/carrying heavy objects

They are just built differently than us, and while there’s many things we do better, there’s an awful lot we need them for.

Today I had a comedy-of-awful sort of day.

It started out when I woke up at the ass-crack of dawn to get a bunch of household errands done before I started my work day. One of said tasks was pulling together the massive load of laundry one fairly-little girl can accomplish in a week, and lugging it to the nearby laundromat. The laundry, as I mentioned earlier today, was enclosed in my adorably-pink mesh laundry bag from The Container Store. Its cuteness did not mitigate the fact that it quite possibly weighed more than I did. I lugged, I huffed and puffed (I did not blow my house down. Though I at a later point kind of wish I had. More on that later). Granted, it’s only a two block walk - but when you are carrying the weight I was carrying - it was a lot! (So much of a lot that for a brief second I kicked myself for declaring a local laundry delivery service overindulgent and passing on trying it out.)

I finally got my laundry to the laundromat (and no, this time did not in the process destroy my bottle of Purex), and continued on with my next errand. I needed an avocado - just about everything on my meal plans for the week depended on it! (No, I am not on some weird diet, but I do try to plan out my week’s meals when food shopping in order to avoid excess.) An attempt yesterday at Whole Foods had been fruitless (no pun intended), so now I was going to try Union Market, a fancy Dean & Deluca-esque gourmet grocery virtually on my corner that had them on sale.

They turned out to be on sale because they were all squishy! Who on earth wants an avocado that’s already over-ripe? Kind of pointless.

Why again didn’t I join the food coop?

So, I returned home, laundry safely dropped off (heart still palpitating), with no avocado to call my own - or slice into the California omelet I had planned for breakfast. I went on to enjoy a backup meal, and as I sat down to enjoy my coffee…I felt a presence at my foot.

I looked down, holding my breath, and sitting there, GLARING back, was the biggest, meanest, bug I had ever seen…with not even the consideration to be scared of me!

Not owning any bug spray (I am ridiculously neat in my new home, I don’t get bugs!!!), I double-armed myself with Tilex (bleach kills ALL evil), and hairspray (to scare it into place…it always works for my hair…) and attacked. It got scared then. It tried to run, it tried to hide…but I noticed it slowing down…more cautious in its movements with each writhe.

I gleefully watched it die.

Vermin dealt with, I flushed it down the toilet and ran out to arm myself with Combat (which I created a fortress-like forcefield with) and Boric Acid. While I wouldn’t classify myself as having an insect problem (it was ONE bug), I found myself petrified that this little bugger’s friends would come back to avenge his death. Still…the skull and crossbones on the box did give me slight pause…I hope I don’t accidentally poison myself in the process of debugging my nest…

Overwhelmed at my morning, I decided to eject myself from the surroundings and find another, calmer one, to reflect (and actually FINALLY) get some work done. I can’t help but realize now, had I had a guy around today, NONE of this would have been MY problem. I could have shrieked, cowered in a corner, and my guy would have taken care of everything, without me so much as chipping a nail.

You know what, as independent as I try to be, and as happy as I am to have my own space, I’m totally ok with that!

Best argument ever for domestic bliss, I swear.

My new favorite quote:

“Email is such a funny thing. People hand you these single little messages that are no heavier than a river pebble. But it doesn’t take long until you have acquired a pile of pebbles that’s taller than you and heavier than you could ever hope to move, even if you wanted to do it over a few dozen trips. But for the person who took the time to hand you their pebble, it seems outrageous that you can’t handle that one tiny thing. “What ‘pile’? It’s just a pebble!”

- Merlin Mann, a software usability expert, quoted in Clay Shirky’s Here Comes Everyone

As someone who is currently being stoned to death by said pebbles, it’s good to feel understood!