What would the girl equivalent of a beer belly be?

My vote is for martini muffin. Any other thoughts?

This afternoon while sitting on the subway, I leafed through a new dating guide, Date Decoder. Some of the most interesting material, though, I think applies just as much to questionable friends as mates.

Take a look. I bet each and every one of you know someone at least some of this applies to! Interestingly enough, the seven “deadly sins” can sometimes be a *good* thing, depending on how they manifest themselves.

Greed
Negative: Chooses friends for what they can provide. Never pays for anything; tries to avoid the check
Positive: Wants the best of everything, but is sensitive to others’ strained resources—invites them over for dinner instead of going out

Pride
Negative: Condescending; belittles others
Positive: Acknowledging value (of relationship, as well as contribution) person brings to the world

And an important variation of pride,

Vanity
Negative: Only hangs out with beautiful people, or only hangs out with people who are less attractive so he appears more attractive
Positive: Gives compliments that help bolster others’ self image, so they never feel less-than

Envy
Negative: Minimizes accomplishment of friends
Positive: Asks for pointers to improve his game, their finances, and so on

Gluttony
Negative: Drinks too much, eats to much, smokes too much…
Positive: Not afraid to enjoy things to the fullest

Lust
Negative: Constantly hitting on women he shouldn’t be hitting on; women can’t be friends, they are all possible lovers
Positive: Flirting without intention, making a woman feel better about her attractiveness without hitting on her

Anger
Negative: Bullying; dominates friends so they are afraid to say anything to him
Positive: Engages in animated disagreement aimed at a resolution, shows respect

Sloth
Negative: Rather than go anywhere, he tells people to come over—and bring something.
Knows nothing about his friends, because he makes no emotional investment; friends are just bodies in his life.
Positive: Relaxes; sits and listens to friends—not “on” all the time

Some of my friends tease me that I am en route to being the modern-day Carrie Bradshaw. I could only dream! Her shoes…her apartment…her teeny-tiny waist.

Carrie was a version of the timeless literary female heroine, trying to make her way in the big city…in Jimmy Choos, drinking cosmos, with a sexy boy by her side.

The article in today’s New York Times seemed very apropos - for me, and for all the other urban gal bloggers reading. A note, on all of us “wannabes”, on what our beloved SATC fave would be like, today, in 2008, in reality. Would she still seem as accessible, or realistic? It’s really fascinating!

Channeling Carrie!

Possessing a bottle of grapefruit vodka, a can of succulent lychee in juice, and a shaker.

Sunday nights have never been so fine.

I find myself smitten with Condomafia - an apparel company that makes condom-wearing more attractive (and approachable) by integrating condom-centric designs into adorable t-shirts and accessories.

Sound silly? Sure. But they are SO adorable, I’m wearing my gear all the time.

Check out some of the cutest designs:

Condomafia donates 10 percent of our profits to a variety of AIDS related causes, meaning that while you are gaining a cute new top, you are also donating toward fighting AIDS. Which makes shopping feel almost noble! Lucky for you though, I have five of the men’s style, and five of the women’s style, to give away. To have your chance to win,  share with us the cutest ideas you’ve ever seen to spread the idea about a good cause…whether something you’ve done yourself or you’ve seen others do. Best creative finds win! Deadline April 5.

Fellow Jews, I have sad news to report!

According to Gothamist, Manischewitz broke the tragic news yesterday that Tam Tams, their bite-sized flavored matzo crackers, will not be available in time for Passover this year. This has been a staple of my (and just about all Passover-kosher homes) since 1940, and it’s a travesty to all of us who hoped to bring matzoh crackers and tuna salad to work each day.

Alas. Let us all bow our heads in remembrance. And, remember, we can always just … use regular matzoh. Whatever.  So not the same!

“I am not a whore, I am an accomplished self-pimp.”

(So read a newspaper comic I read earlier today.)

To understand this phrase is to understand the ups, downs, and hilarity of the life of the self-employed (or independent contractor, as Uncle Sam likes to call it before wallet-molesting me).

How fun it can be though!

This month has been riddled with stories from various jobs I cannot even begin to go into. (Sadly, the bad part about having a popular blog is that everyone you know reads it!) But an anecdote from a most-recent occurrence:

There is a national teen magazine whose office I visit about twice a month to do some final proof line edits. They are a small, but nice staff, and while we always have scheduling conflicts (i.e.: Book me for eight hours and end up using - and paying me - for five, never have a computer available for me, stet my most obvious and important edits), it’s a pretty stress-less gig, and in close proximity to all my favorite shopping and caffeination.

Today though, there was an occurrence that while inconsequential to the day or the work, added yet another notch in my need-to-create-a-reality-tv-show belt. This office happens to share a floor bathroom with three other office suites. I, of the small bladder, pee often. This effort of finding and visiting various local rest rooms is actually among my main sources of daily exercise.

This morning, after finishing my (venti! it was an early morning) vanilla soy latte, I go to normal spot in the office to grab the bathroom key. It’s not there. As it’s an office riddled with similar caffeine and hydration ho’s, it’s fair to assume it’s in use.

A few minutes later, I come back, it’s still not there.

Hmm. Either someone DIED in there (in which case I’ll just hold it in), or there’s something funny going on.

Deciding to put my prime journalistic skills to the test, I pay a visit to a girl in a nearby cubicle. (We recently bonded after discovering we have identical pink BlackBerry Pearls. I am hopeful this means she’ll also share my feelings on issues related to bladders and emptying thereof.)

“Hey, where is the bathroom key kept now?”

(It’s been moved before, I realize this is a possible explanation.)

“Oh, we lost it a few days ago. You have to go to another office and ask for theirs.”

Um, hello? I suppose it’s better than being told to visit the Starbucks up the block. (Which would likely put a strain on our just-rekindled relationship.)

Let it be noted, this has led to my - for reasons of time economy and convenience - drinking less water today. And thus, may have compromised the very well-being of my internal workings. All for a few hours with a red pen and a pile of proofs and no PM cup of Gingko IQ tea (that too sacrificed in the bladder maintenance attempt).

Whore, indeed.

Dear Aly,
Here is your horoscope
for Friday, March 28:

You’re in a great mood and the people in our life will inevitably lighten up when you’re around. It’s a great time to reach out to people who have been on your bad side lately — or vice versa.

Wow, that’s a lot of phone calls.

After months of trial (and serious error) I have finally found the ideal cleanser. Not surprisingly, since discovering it, I wonder why it had not been obvious to me all along.

From Bare Escentuals (of course), RareMinerals Cleanser is a mineral-based cleanser in a powder form gently cleanses, exfoliates and nourishes skin — and somehow leaves it baby-soft and smooth.

What’s cool is that it looks something like baby powder, but when water-activated, it becomes this cool foam stuff and releases its benefits,  which include healthy antioxidants and soothing botanicals.

Try it, trust me. I am so glad the trials of pasty-dry-skin-causing lotions has ended!

Redken samples for curly hair
http://www.redken.com/events/enter-to-win/curly-hair-sampling/

Redken For Men’s new Outplay Texture Putty
http://redkenformen.com/enter/enter_outplay.aspx

Tide with Dawn Stain Scrubbers
https://tidewithdawn.offerprocessingcenter.com/

Free Parents Choice Formula
http://www.parentschoiceformula.com/baby-formula-samples.aspx

Eye Glass Case
http://cadillaceyewear.com/styleyes/register.cfm

Sample of New-Formula Dial Antibacterial Deodorant Soap
https://secure.startsampling.com/sm/100143/captureAddress.iphtml?item=100142&source=