Huge decisions are underfoot.

A certain really awesome salon (who is owned by my favorite of all hair celebrities) has invited me to come by for a hair cut…I am way overdue and excited! But…do not know what I want.

As with all areas of my life, I will base my decisions on what my favorite General Hospital characters would do…and thus am currently deciding between the two following hair styles. I will gratefully accept all advice! For those who do not watch the show, Kate is a “nice” girl, while Maxie is decidedly not - but they both have totally cute ‘dos!

First thought: Kate Howard

Second thought: Maxie Jones

Third thought: None of the above! But something within that texture/hair-length, since both relatively mirror my own.

Fourth thought: The heat has gone to my brain.

I currently am babysitting Allie’s new white-and-pink betta, Caroline.

I have to say, if I am going to embrace parenthood, this is totally the way to do it.

As she is a newborn, there are no real pix of her yet but she looks something like this:

Is she not a beauty???

In celebration of my sanity’s downward spiral, I’ve decided to give away some nuts.

(Seems appropriate.)

Seriously, I’ve been told that positive snacking can go a long way toward positive “being”. Truth be told, overextended–paranoid-a-little-sleepy-needs-a-vacation-but-is-busy-and-poor me can use that. And, since you put up with my insanity, so do you!

In fact, check this out: “We believe in the power of positive snacking and in enriching people’s lives through simple, healthy snacks,” says Mike Mellace, president and chief executive officer of Snacktrition, a purveyor of, well, nutty goodness.

“Snacktrition is enhanced with key nutrients such as calcium and fiber, which makes good-for-you foods like almonds and cashews better than ever. Made from real fruit and nuts, every bite is bursting with mouthwatering flavor and a crunchy texture that every snacker craves.”

In other words, it is a simple snack that will…enrich your life. That’s pretty nuts.

I am hopeful that enriching your life will enrich my life (this is purely selfish) and…by giving you nuts, I’ll stop being nuts. (Works in theory.) So, five winners will each receive a Snacktrition prize package, including a 3-oz pouch of each of the following:

• Sea Salt Cashews with Fiber
• Sea Salt Almonds with Calcium
• Salt & Pepper Cashews with Fiber
• Smoked Almonds with Calcium
• Fruit & Nut Mix with Fiber and Calcium

For your shot at the basket of bags of nuts (in celebration of my going nuts, due to all the nuttiness around me), please do the following:

1 - Tell me what (or who) makes you nuts.

2 - Share three things you recently learned from reading my blog.

3 - Send me love! (It may help recoup my mind, but you’ll still get nuts.)

PS: Nutty but true: I’m actually deathly allergic to nuts, and cannot eat them. And yet I’m giving them to you. (After a very careful taste test by my most discriminating loved ones.) Ain’t love grand?

PPS: My bff Allie, who herself is quite overextended, yet not nuts (though she DOES eat nuts), has just promised me that eating raw fish tonight will save my mind. I shall report back. I think she just has a craving for salmon.

Deadline July 23.

“I don’t know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.”
– Bill Cosby

Behold my new shoes!

From the Iman Global Chic collection (available on HSN), I saw these a few weeks ago at a holiday-themed press preview, and I fell so in love that I almost dropped my cocktail. (True story.) They are super affordable, and are somehow simultaneously as comfortable as flip flops and as glam as swanky sandals. (Which they are, in both cases, anyway.) Find them on HSN for under $40 - that’s less than you probably spend on an evening of sangria and tapas!

They also are available as wedges, in several different colors…but my pretty pink toes are currently adorned in gold. So so cute!

Remember a few months ago when I wrote about the Nintendo Wii, and instantly, basement-dwellers across the world were creating voodoo dolls in my honor?

Something sort of similar happened last night, but in a way that is more scary.

Apparently, the bed bug infestation in our country (and our world!) is worse than I imagined…so much worse that in the hours since I wrote that post, the following two things happened:

I received a comment from a bed bug victim in Perth, Australia that is actually chronicling his experience in his own blog.

Right here in the city, Bedbugger.com wrote an entire article about my post! Apparently, it parallels a very scary reality.

These two things happening back to back, and in a matter of hours, sort of made me think the end of the world really is nigh! So, we’re totally going to work on an investigative article on this - and it’s not just so I can get a free set of Allergy Luxe Premium Bed Bug Barrier bedding collection. (Supposedly they are scientifically designed to prevent them! Since I don’t have them, thank god, I suppose I should have someone who already does test them…but it seems in their case, it’s like buying a sling after the arm is amputated.) But anyway, they are pretty.

Good news for me, though: After having a nervous breakdown at work, and giving ALL my friends and family mental creepy-crawlies, I came home and did a thorough inch-by-inch inspection - no bug of any kind in sight. If there is an infestation in NYC, it hasn’t hit Park Slope yet. (We pray.) But until then, I’m going to be vigilant to make sure it doesn’t get here!

That said, I seem to have made some new friends during my insanity - which is always exciting!

I’m not entirely sane…I actually relish that fact: It lends itself to creativity.

However, my lack of complete rationality has been known to effect my ability to function on the most basic of human levels - and today it is doing just that.

Fruit flies are gone, and beyond that brief sighting, not a single bug has been seen in about two weeks (and that’s without an exterminator, thank you very much!).

However, today I got an email from one of my closest friends…she is actually a friend I almost moved in with last year, and she recently moved to studio in the heart of Hell’s Kitchen. Apparently, last night she discovered that her neighbors had bed bugs…and today, she discovered she did, as well.

Sadly, this isn’t even her first time dealing with them. Last year, she had a ferocious experience coping with said vermin at a boyfriend’s home. Matters were made worse when she escaped home to her parents, and discovered some had followed her there.

At the time though, we had chalked it up to the freaky Queens infestation crisis.

My friend persevered, spent a fortune on decor for her new home…and now is dealing with it again. She’s understandably hysterical.

Hearing her story made my heart break for her…of course. But the inkling of…”I hope I don’t get them!” laid an egg in my soul. (Sorry.)

Not an hour later, I was telling my BFF what the morning’s events had uncovered, and she shared horrible news. (No, she does not have them.) However, one of her good friends does too! Then, I get to the office I am at today, and overhear another person chatting…you guessed it.

Let it be noted that when I moved into my new home, I bought all new furniture, and all new linens. I have seen no sign of any such gross being, and have none of the tell-tale symptoms. There are no signs of them in my building, or even my neighborhood. (So glad I nixed Queens AND the city when moving!) Still, I am paranoid. In fact, I just spent the greater part of an hour analyzing a mosquito bite on my wrist.

It was, it seems, actually from a mosquito.

Chances are, I will go completely (certifiably) insane. Slightly after my spiral into the depths of insanity, I will put even more toxic fumes in my home and insecticide insects that are not actually there. And then I will die.

Interestingly, I recently read that another crazy apt-renter got paranoid about bugs and over-bug-bombed her small home. The apartment was destroyed in the ensuing explosion.

In the following days, as they sort through the wreckage, cockroaches were found running about.

I so need a new planet to live on.

Breaking news to those of you considering the keratin straightening, but are squeamish about dousing your hair with Formaldehyde. (Not that I could blame you…)

La-mama-de-Alytude (i.e. my mom) reports that she had the new Formaldehyde-free version of the Brazilian Keratin Treatment in a small Brooklyn salon yesterday. She is SO excited about it that she pretty much threatened to disown me if I didn’t share the tale of her experience. (Though she refuses to allow me to share pictures. Whatever.)

For those of you new to my trials and tribulations, the Keratin Treatment is an innovative process that transforms hair that is frizzy and unruly into locks that are sexy and shiny. The treatment is keratin based, which is the primary protein of the skin, hair and nails. Ideally, this natural substance gives hair the ability to return to its original healthy, shiny, smooth state -and unlike other products available in the market, such as relaxers or the Japanese thermal reconditioning (my poison of choice), the Keratin Treatment straightens the hair without damaging or changing its texture. This means it washes out over time rather than growing out and leaving you with inch upon inch of frizzy root.

Thus why my mom tried it out. She refuses to give up her highlights, and thus, her hair is SO chemically damaged that the Japanese straightening that I am a slave to would likely render her as bald as a sumo wrestler.

The down side? It lasts only 3-4 months, and will start washing out way before that. I cant deal with that - I wash my hair so often, that for me, it lasted maybe two months. Not worth the time and effort! But for those of you with thicker hair (who don’t have Japanese straightening as an option) this is pretty darn cool - and I have to say, when I saw her tonight, her hair did look as sleek and sexy as if she had ventured over the bridge into the city to have it done!

She asked that I pass on to my friends and readers, though, that where she had it done is significantly cheaper than the city counterparts…though I warned her that me sharing this info will likely render that no longer so.

But if you find yourself in Brooklyn, check out G Concepts on Avenue U and East 20th Street (right off the Q train) and tell them Aly sent you. You can use the money you save to take your sexy new ‘do for some cocktails!

Update:

One of those “fruit flies” has just attempted to attack me in the shower. Being the only fruit in there is my berry-flavored skin smoothie and exfoliant, I’m pretty sure I’m dealing with another species altogether.

Mosquitoes? Locusts?

Someone, please just kill me now.

EDIT: My friend Amy has just emailed, introducing a new suspect into the lineup. A fungus gnat. Apparently it’s what is attacking her own plants, and is likely among the troupe of evil insect warriors on the loose in the ecosystem. I’m not certain yet what that is, but I am sure I don’t want it. I hereby re-shout previous plea.

While I’m trying to become more “green”. I find that certain environmental conditions prevent me from jumping right on board with the tree-huggers among us. For instance: When I see the bug of the week (hello, fruit flies!) and realize that there’s some parts of nature that are pretty damn vomitous.

Earth-loving clothing ain’t one of them, though, and as much as I currently am not feeling the planet-love (being it’s waging a war of plagues against me), I’m totally ok with wearing an eco-friendly heart on my sleeve.

Humanity Ink is an eco-friendly clothing line that offers threads made from sustainable materials, and also donates part of its proceeds to charitable organizations. Made of 70 percent bamboo and 30 percent organic cotton, the high-quality shirts also describe the company’s motto of providing fashionable earth-friendly threads while supporting environmental causes.

I find that to be pretty awesome. Awesome enough to salve some of my current earth-hate. Maybe.